Friday, October 7, 2011

The day after

After my great day yesterday, today had to be a letdown.

Well, it hasn’t been, so far. Not every day can feel like a holiday, as yesterday did, when I had a larger-than-expected weight loss. But it was just a holiday in my mind. Subconsciously, I believed that once I lost the weight, life would be like red-carpet arrivals every day. Isn’t that what everyone implied when they told you that you should lose weight? You’d be so pretty, if only you could lose the weight. I think back to all the things people promised me if I’d just lose the weight—new wardrobes, trips to Las Vegas, undying love.

And oh how I tried to win those things. My first real diet came when I was about 10. My mom took me to a doctor who put me on a sensible eating plan and I dropped about 10 pounds and was at a good weight. But just being a normal weight wasn’t enough for me and I yo-yo’d the rest of my life. I was a big proponent of low carb for a long time and ate nothing but meat, cheese, eggs and mayonnaise. I yo-yo’d, but never broke 200, so I thought I was OK. Then after hitting my highest at that point, which was maybe 165, my mom paid for me to visit a diet doctor. I ate about 450 calories a day, took little red pills—maybe they were phentermine—and got B12 shots three times a week. My arms and butt were sore from needles. I was their poster girl for success until I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I’d binge after weigh-ins and starve for a week. Finally I just quit going.  And the weight came back. Plus.

Over the next few years I tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I wasn’t as sick as the rest of those people, most of whom had been druggies or drunks that got clean and turned to food. I spent about 20 years doing Weight Watchers. The last time, I became the poster girl for success and dropped more than 50 pounds. But I think I just wasn’t willing to make the lifestyle change for good and kept slipping. And the weight came back. Plus.

So the decision to get a lap-band was the right one. It’s a tool that keeps me on the right road. I’m satisfied with healthy food. I’ll admit that junk food tempts me. I’m acknowledging that and letting it go. No reason to lie to myself and tell me I'm over it. Right now, I’d rather get thin than eat cookies. There’s even a new flavor or Oreos I haven’t tried! But it’s better to not eat cookies, because one is not enough. I just have to remember how great I felt yesterday. Now that was enough.

See you next week.

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