Friday, October 7, 2011

The day after

After my great day yesterday, today had to be a letdown.

Well, it hasn’t been, so far. Not every day can feel like a holiday, as yesterday did, when I had a larger-than-expected weight loss. But it was just a holiday in my mind. Subconsciously, I believed that once I lost the weight, life would be like red-carpet arrivals every day. Isn’t that what everyone implied when they told you that you should lose weight? You’d be so pretty, if only you could lose the weight. I think back to all the things people promised me if I’d just lose the weight—new wardrobes, trips to Las Vegas, undying love.

And oh how I tried to win those things. My first real diet came when I was about 10. My mom took me to a doctor who put me on a sensible eating plan and I dropped about 10 pounds and was at a good weight. But just being a normal weight wasn’t enough for me and I yo-yo’d the rest of my life. I was a big proponent of low carb for a long time and ate nothing but meat, cheese, eggs and mayonnaise. I yo-yo’d, but never broke 200, so I thought I was OK. Then after hitting my highest at that point, which was maybe 165, my mom paid for me to visit a diet doctor. I ate about 450 calories a day, took little red pills—maybe they were phentermine—and got B12 shots three times a week. My arms and butt were sore from needles. I was their poster girl for success until I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I’d binge after weigh-ins and starve for a week. Finally I just quit going.  And the weight came back. Plus.

Over the next few years I tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I wasn’t as sick as the rest of those people, most of whom had been druggies or drunks that got clean and turned to food. I spent about 20 years doing Weight Watchers. The last time, I became the poster girl for success and dropped more than 50 pounds. But I think I just wasn’t willing to make the lifestyle change for good and kept slipping. And the weight came back. Plus.

So the decision to get a lap-band was the right one. It’s a tool that keeps me on the right road. I’m satisfied with healthy food. I’ll admit that junk food tempts me. I’m acknowledging that and letting it go. No reason to lie to myself and tell me I'm over it. Right now, I’d rather get thin than eat cookies. There’s even a new flavor or Oreos I haven’t tried! But it’s better to not eat cookies, because one is not enough. I just have to remember how great I felt yesterday. Now that was enough.

See you next week.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Oh what a beautiful day

I both anticipated and dreaded today—had an appointment with my bariatric doctor. Well, it turned out to be a great day.

First, I discovered that my home scale registers 1.5 pounds higher than my doctor’s super accurate scale. Therefore, I have entered the fabled and phenomenal world of Onederland! That means I have now lost 80 pounds. Wow. I can’t imagine carrying around 80 pounds. Well, sometimes my laptop case feels that heavy. Today I slipped into size 16 jeans, which I haven’t fit since forever. Anderson Cooper’s mom’s name is emblazoned on my shrinking butt (that’s Gloria Vanderbilt, if you didn’t know).

My nutritionist was happy with my progress, although he’d like me to eat more real food. I didn’t need a fill this time. I’m going to work up to some soft protein in the coming weeks, like quiche. Maybe I’ll slow-cook the *bleep* out of some meat.

Of course, progress doesn’t mean perfection. My appointment was at 10 a.m., and since the possibility of a fill loomed over my day, I couldn’t consume anything for four hours ahead of my appointment. I wasn’t going to get up at 4 a.m. to eat, so by the time I hit work, I had been fasting for more than 12 hours. I had a cup of coffee to get the blood flowing, then saw to lunch. I prepared my usual cottage cheese with low-fat bacon bits and sunflower seeds. Unfortunately, I was so hungry I ate too fast and some of it made a return trip. Crazy! I mean, who eats cottage cheese too fast?

In the past, a visit to the “diet doctor” meant free range eating the rest of the day. Not this time. First of all, I can’t gorge like I used to, secondly, I don’t want to have to work off the damage.

So, yeah, it’s a great day, and here’s to plenty more.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Getting my food groove on

My good day of eating finally paid off. The scale was down 0.8, after going up, up, up, then stalling. I think I’ve finally found the right way for ME to eat.

To recap, I had small meals all day and skipped dinner in favor of a few wasabi peas and pistachios. I realize that I don’t need a big meal at night. My band seems to tighten up by the time I’m home.

Today’s experiment with a warm protein shake failed miserably. I mixed a chocolate shake with 4 pumps of SF Torani chocolate syrup and a few teaspoons for espresso powder. Then I poured it into a measuring cup and zapped it in the microwave for 30 seconds at a time at 3/4 power. When it finally seemed warm enough, I removed it from the oven and stirred. All the protein had congealed into a brown gelatinous lump. No, thank you! I mixed up another, this time with not-so-cold water so it wasn’t frosting the container. It proved to be a good drink on the way to work on a rainy morning.

Tomorrow I see my lap-band doctor, and I might have my band tightened, so who knows what will come after that. If it’s tightened, I’ll be on liquids for a couple of days, then mushies for a few days, then back to normalish. I’ll be attending a small conference Saturday, with lunch included, so I’ll eat what I can, and bring a few protein items for supplement it. I’ll probably have a piece of cake—it’s the organization’s 30th birthday, and I’ve been a member for 24 of those years. Then in the evening, we’ll have wine. So I won’t complain Monday that I didn’t lose any weight. Sometimes life intrudes, but it doesn’t have to be a full halt to getting healthier.

See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fear of the new and different

I always tell myself that I want things to change, but change is scary.

Work has left me discombobulated recently. I got a new computer—brand new out-of-the-box, fully loaded Windows 7 machine that no one’s used before. Sweet deal. (As an aside, the last time I got a new computer was at my previous job—and I was laid off a week later. So I was a little leery when they told me a new one was coming. Luckily, I’m working for a much better employer these days.) With the new computer comes new ways of doing things. I’m pretty good with a computer, but stuff I use all the time is in different places and some of it didn’t transfer over from the old computer and I have to re-create it. The computer makes different noises in different places.

Lap-band surgery obviously puts your life on a different track.  The old way of eating doesn’t work and you need to develop new strategies for your meals. Mostly I’ve done that, but occasionally I’ll fall back on old habits. Today was a pretty good day eating, although it started weak. We had an uncustomarily dark morning with threat of rain, and I just couldn’t bring myself to drink a cold shake. Instead I made a sugar-free double-shot cappuccino—about 60 calories. I picked up the protein throughout the day with cottage cheese and a midafternoon 28g of protein shake. I skipped dinner, just had a few pistachios and some dried wasabi peas. Not a great meal, but it did stay down.

Tomorrow, I’m going to make my shake, then gently warm it in the microwave. If I can make my shake like a latte, I’ll be happy. Powdered protein is finicky, and if you get it too hot too fast it turns lumpy. And nobody wants that.

I’m sure I’ll warm up to my new computer and be even more efficient soon. When things change, you have to realize you need to roll with it.

My weight? Still the same, although my clothes are looser and my ring is falling off. I’m getting somewhere, the numbers just haven’t caught up yet.

See you tomorrow.

Monday, October 3, 2011

What is it with me and dinner?

I can have a wonderful day eating, but then when it comes to dinner—problems. Part of the problem is that I eat so late because of my schedule. I rarely get home before 9 p.m. After work, I visit my husband at his nursing home until visiting hours end at 8 p.m., then I need to run errands.

Today I made sure to being more food. Had my 50g protein shake on the way to work, then lunch about 3/4 cup of cottage cheese with bacon bits and sunflower seeds. I found a different brand of low-fat (2%) cottage cheese that has 10 more calories per serving but 3g more of protein, giving 15g of protein per half cup. The cottage cheese even tasted richer. Midafternoon I had a 20g of protein QuestBar, and on the drive from work a couple of string cheese sticks. So far, so good. For dinner, I got chili from Wendy’s, which is low fat and high in protein. But I could take only a few bites before I had to run to the bathroom.

I just can’t seem to eat anything substantial at night. Although I’m usually able to munch some pistachios, but I’m out of them, so that’s not an option right now.

Perhaps I should just load up midday and have a protein shake or some clear broth at night. I have an appointment with my surgeon on Thursday, so I’ll be asking some questions.

Meanwhile, all the walking I did over the weekend didn’t do much, in fact, I even was up a few ounces this morning. In the old days, I’d just say *bleep* it and work my way through the cookie and candy aisles. Nowadays I know that’s not an option. I know I’ll find my way out of this malaise.

See you tomorrow.