It wasn’t my fault—this time

I spent most of yesterday with the odd feeling that my timing was off. Last night I discovered why.

My alarm clock has a feature to automatically reset the clock when daylight saving time begins and ends. A great feature, except the government keeps changing the dates, so my clock is confused. Thursday morning at 2, my clock reset to 1 a.m., so when I got out of bed at 8:30 it was really 9:30. I discovered the time differential when I got under the covers long after Jay Leno’s monologue, but my clock read 11:30. Mystery solved!

So I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking that getting up too late was my fault, when it really wasn’t. I’m willing to take the blame when something’s my fault. Admit it, get past it, forget it.

Perception is a funny thing. Today I’m wearing a new pair of jeans in the same size that I recently shrunk into. The other jeans fit comfortably, but these, the same size and brand, are almost uncomfortably tight. A few times today I caught myself thinking, “These jeans are too tight because I’m too fat,” forgetting that I couldn’t even look at this size a few weeks ago. So today I’m telling myself that the jeans are just tight and they’ll be looser soon. Besides, the jeans are so tight that they’re keeping me from wanting to eat between meals for fear I’ll have a “food baby” that keeps the zipper from raising. (If you don’t know, a “food baby” is the phenomenon that a skinny actress can look pregnant if you photograph her right after lunch. I remember a message board arguing over whether a particular TV actress was expecting, but someone connected with the show pointed out that the scenes were shot after lunch.)

Have a great weekend, everyone. Don’t forget to turn your clocks back at 2 a.m. Sunday. This time for reals.

See you next week.